Monday, January 28, 2013

Taken 2 (2012)

It's no secret to anyone who knows me that I have a severe man-crush on Liam Neeson. I apologize for and rescind nothing. The man is a mack-daddy of the highest caliber as far as acting is considered, and even in dreck like "Star Wars: Episode I" he can make utter crap halfway decent just by being in it. Well, maybe not decent, but we'll call it watchable. As long as he's on screen, that is. And not in the presence of annoying, racist CGI sidekicks.

And yes, I had heard nothing but bad things going into "Taken 2." And it's true that I had refused to see it in theaters even though I'm a huge Liam Neeson fan, and I loved the first "Taken." The reason I refused to pay to see it in theaters was because of the fact that producer Luc Besson has a nasty habit of releasing R-rated films edited down to a PG-13 in theaters, which is what both "Taken" and "Taken 2" did, only to release the "Unrated" cut later when it comes out to rent. This is actually just the original version of the film, not some super special edition. And I'm not paying $9.50 to see a version of a movie that I would see on TV. I'm a grownup. Let me watch my grownup films.

That aside, did "Taken" really need a sequel? It seems a tad unnecessary. I suppose there are worse films to make sequels to. Honestly if you're looking at from a storyline standpoint there's more reason to have "Taken 2" than there was to have, say, "Terminator 2," since the events of the first "Terminator" essentially make it so a sequel should literally be impossible. But it's not like "Terminator 2" where we're dealing with plotholes involving physical impossibility. Mills could feasibly have people come after him again, and they don't have to travel through time to do it. So sure, why not? Make a sequel.

But that brings up the worst part of the whole "Taken 2" idea. Based on the title itself, they've kind of roped themselves into a corner. The bad guys can only do one thing - abduction - because the name of the movie is "Taken." What if one of the baddies just said "Hey, why don't we plant a car bomb and kill him with that?" Would the other guy bring up the fact that the name of the movie they're in isn't "Car Bomb," and it's against the rules? And now they're talking about "Taken 3," and at that point it's like Jack Bauer and another one of his very long days.

 "Oh god, not this crap again. Who am I, Bill freaking Murray?"

For those reasons, including the fact that the only other film I've seen from director Oliver Megaton (really?) was "Transporter 3," an acceptable but forgettable affair, I wasn't expecting too much out of "Taken 2." In fact I wasn't expecting anything at all. This turned out to be a pretty smart way to approach it. "Taken 2" wasn't as bad as everyone was saying it was. But it still wasn't that good. It kind of just "was." It's a movie you'll see once, forget a good chunk of it not too long after it's done, and never really think too much on it ever again. But there are worse ways to kill an hour and a half.

Picking up a year or so after the first movie, "Taken 2" finds Mills and family on a trip to Istanbul. Once there, the relatives of the people Mills killed previously enact a plan to get their vengeance, and Liam Neeson and Famke Janssen end up being the ones who are kidnapped, with Maggie Grace being the one who has to save them.

Yes, I know the idea of Maggie Grace: Action Hero sounds lame. That's what the trailer would have us believe this movie is, but honestly there's more to it than that. It's true that she does a little bit of reckless driving through the streets and runs on some rooftops, but the whole ordeal with her saving Liam Neeson is only about a 20 minute chunk of the movie. Once she does rescue him it's business as usual from that point on as Liam does what Liam will do and kicks some ass.

Liam is actually shooting people. Maggie is just sitting there going "Rrrrraaaaaaawwww Pwaaaaaaaahhh EEEEEEEEEEK Brrrraaaaaaa HONK HONK! Rrrrrraaaaaaa..."

And really, aside from that bit it's really the same movie as before. Liam tracks down bad guys, Liam kills bad guys. While this is usually a point against a sequel, hey it's not like they're rehashing bad stuff. "Taken" was a good movie. The fact they're somewhat copy and pasting it isn't a bad thing. It just makes it fairly unremarkable and not very memorable.

Honestly the worst part is that compared to "Taken" this movie doesn't have nearly the same amount of action, at least from what I recall of it. Which truthfully isn't that much. I remember the French dude from the first movie getting killed, Maggie Grace throwing grenades and driving a car, Famke Janssen getting tortured, Liam getting a gun, and Liam killing the main villain with a coat rack (I think. It was really quick and hard to make out). That's all I remember. I still recall most of the first movie, and I haven't seen that in years. I saw "Taken 2" just the other day and I'm already blanking on all but that handful of scenes. Take that for what it's worth.

There were still some things I enjoyed about "Taken 2" though, and oddly enough they both heavily featured Maggie Grace. The first bit was that whole "grenade" thing I mentioned earlier. After being kidnapped, Liam is able to call Maggie Grace on a phone he smuggled in and coaches her through how to find him, using a map and loud noises. These loud noises just happen to be some grenades, which Maggie then proceeds to throw while Liam estimates distance based on how long it took the sound to reach him. It's a neat scene, and I found Maggie just chucking grenades where "it doesn't look like anyone is there" to be oddly funny.

But wait a minute. Timing that precise via cell phone would be all off because of the natural delay in reception... (Stupid nitpicky brain, stop that! You liked that scene!)

There's also a bit in the beginning when Maggie Grace is practicing for her driver's test, which they kind of bring back during the car chase where she's driving and Liam Neeson is still coaching her while shooting out the passenger window. I thought that was a fun callback which actually made decent sense in context, because even though the thought of Maggie Grace making like Steve McQueen is enough to make one roll their eyes, it's not like she's very good at it yet. She's barely keeping the car on the road and is kind of panicky, which is a reasonable reaction. Although having to suffer through her wailing "I can't!" before she does what she just said she couldn't do over and over again got really old.

That brings me to my last point. I don't like Maggie Grace. Never have. Probably never will. I don't think she's that good of an actress, she always gets moderately to severely annoying characters to play, and her forehead is far too big to not be distracting. At first I was willing to cut her some slack because I figured that I just despised her character on "Lost," Shannon, with the fiery passion of Eternal Hellfire so much that I just assumed my hate for that character was spilling over onto Maggie as an actress, which wasn't fair to her. But then the catch came when I saw her in things other than "Lost," and she's still basically playing Shannon. Not as horrifyingly wretched, of course, but Shannon is still in there. And she needs to be killed with fire.

I did cartwheels when they shot your ass in "Lost." CARTWHEELS.

So that's "Taken 2." It's not as bad as they all said, but neither is it worth spending 90 minutes with unless you're a huge fan of Liam Neeson, particularly if you've already seen the first film. If that's the case, you've already seen the better version of what is essentially the same story. And at least in the first one there wasn't all those events that happened in a movie proceeding it that the heroes seem to forget about, which makes them look stupid. What else am I supposed to think when they're saying stuff such as "You hear all about these terrible things that happen to people over there."

Kind of like that one time that your daughter and her friend went to Paris and got kidnapped and sold as a sex slave, resulting in her friend's death and the deaths of a whole lot of people you killed getting her back? Things like that? Yeah, that might have been worth remembering.

THE BOTTOM LINE - "Taken 2" is not the cinematic abomination that it had been made out to be. Seriously, it's not that bad. It's a decent action movie, and I was reasonably entertained. Its biggest problem is that it's a sequel to a better film. Don't cancel any plans in order to see it, but it's not going to hurt or offend you or anything. And hey, it's Liam Neeson. Can't be all bad.

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