With "John Dies At The End," I find myself with a bit of a conundrum. On one hand, it was by far and away one of the most unique, surprising and unpredictable movies I've ever seen. For that reason alone I can say that I'm glad I saw it. This is hands down a movie going experience that's unlike anything else I've come across. And honestly, I would recommend anyone who likes interesting films to go and see it.
On the other hand, this movie is a train wreck. And the more I think back on it, the more and more I dislike "John Dies At The End." So much so that the entertainment I was admittedly getting out of the movie while watching it seems less and less important in retrospect. It's so frustrating to reflect on or dissect or make any kind of sense of it that it just makes me want to throw my hands up and decide it's not even worth it, because from a story telling standpoint this movie is an absolute catastrophe. And honestly, I can't recommend anyone seeing it.
It's all quite confusing.
The plot of "John Dies At The End" is so obfuscated and random that it gets to the point of being either just as pretentious and self-absorbed as any Terrence Malick wank-fest, or so unpretentious that it screams out at you "Of course this doesn't make sense. Why should it? Let's have fun." The ironic thing is that either way, the film reaches the same end-point. It still ends up collar-bone deep up its own rectum.
The concept of "John Dies At The End" is that there a drug (or alien life-form or something from another dimension or whatever it is) called 'Soy Sauce' that allows you to see through time. Or dimensions. Or be psychic. Or be able to exorcize ghosts. Or aliens. Or both. Or it allows you to travel to other dimensions. Or time. Or both. Or it kills you. Or it doesn't. Or it does both. Or all of the damn above.
Pretty much, yeah.
Anyway, our main character Dave (Chase Williamson) and the titular John (Rob Mayes) take this drug/alien/whatever and proceed to then freak out as all kinds of bizarre and unexplainable randomness starts happening to them. This includes a mustache prying itself off of someone's face to try and kill Dave, a freezer full of meat coming alive to form some kind of flesh golem, people exploding as alien spores burst out of them, John apparently dying only to come back for some unexplained reason, and Dave using a bratwurst as a phone. There's also this other world with an all-knowing, Lovecraftian monster that likes to eat people to gain their knowledge. I don't know. All of this is supposed to make sense. I think.
I know that all sounds amazing, but really, it's just weird for weird's sake.
Maybe I'm stupid, but that's seriously the best I can do to explain "John Dies At The End" because I am at a total loss to do more. The film suffers from the worst case of "Movie ADHD" I can recall seeing. But the odd thing is that in the moment you are watching it, each moment makes sense in of itself. "John Dies At The End" is less of a overarching cohesive narrative and more of a collection of ideas that twist and wind and blend into each other well enough to feel organic, but not enough to make anything close to a coherent story.
The problem is that due to the nature of Soy Sauce, chronology in "John Dies At The End" is pretty much a wash, as the film is somewhat tailored around the idea that time is essentially meaningless, and the film seems to go back and forth with no warning in regards to sequences of events. At least that's how it seemed to me. Add to the fact that most (?) of the film is told in flashbacks because Dave is telling someone a story, but it's near impossible to tell what's a flashback and what's in the future and what's happening right then and now, and there's never a clear sense of time or sequence of events. As a consequence the plot was also never clear. Again, I know that's fitting to the themes, but for me it's a little difficult to care about anything when I have no grasp on what's going on.
The best part of the film for me, and about the only thing that comes close to being a reasonably well-conveyed sequence is the interview that punctuates the film. Every once in a while we go back to Dave, who is telling his story to a journalist, Arnie (Paul Giamatti). Arnie is obviously skeptical of everything Dave is telling him, as it's nutter than a Payday bar, but as the story keeps going and Dave demonstrates his abilities, Arnie becomes a believer. All of this leads to an admittedly fantastic twist near the end of the movie, and if it had tied itself in to the plot of the film (had there actually been one) then it would have been doubly nice, especially since Giamatti tears it the hell up. But as it is his stuff ultimately ends up being pretty pointless.
Why can't Paul Giamatti be fantastic in a movie I like?
At least Giamatti got a lot of screen time. Two other actors I like were also in this, but end up being varying degrees of worthless. Doug Jones, also known as "That Guy in Full Body Makeup in Every Movie You've Ever Seen" got to actually show his face as this creepy looking dude who I think was supposed to be an alien. I'm not sure who/what he was, but he puts a giant slug type thing down Dave's shirt and says nonsensical stuff. I'm not sure why he's there. He's kind of like those aliens from "Galaxy Quest," only without a purpose for existing.
I'm also going to lay down a New Rule here and state for the record that if your movie has Clancy Brown in it, you use him, damn it. Clancy Brown is awesome, and he WILL be utilized to the best of his considerable talents! If a film isn't smart enough to give the guy who was The Freaking Kurgan more than 2 minutes of screen-time and a handful of throwaway lines that accomplishes nothing, than you need to have your film-making privileges suspended until you learn the value of a good cast.
I will say this in its defense, however. "John Dies At The End" is beautiful to look at. The colors are bright and vibrant, there's a great sense of style which makes the dreamlike states of mind of our characters both fascinating and somewhat horrifying to look at, and there is so much imagination and creativity going on in every frame that it's really something to behold. And despite my hangups it was never, ever boring. I was invested from beginning to end, which is a sizable accomplishment considering how aggravated I was at the narrative.
I cannot take away how pretty this movie is.
I'm sure that there's an audience for this movie. I can think of several of my good friends who would like it, and possibly love it. But I am not among them. And it's not that it's a bad film or even poorly made, because it's actually a gorgeous, brilliantly shot and put together film. After all it's by Don Coscarelli, the guy who directed "Bubba Ho-Tep." There's mad talent going on here, both in front of and behind the camera. But this is just too much crazy stuff at the expense of the plot, and that bugs me way too much. I appreciate the film's gusto and imagination and craftsmanship, but my limit for weird for weird's sake ends at "Aqua Teen Hunger Force." At least that's funny.
The trailer makes this look far too coherent.
THE BOTTOM LINE - "John Dies At The End" is a well-made, bizarre movie that is either going to blow you away with its imagination or infuriate you completely with its lunacy. For those of you who don't much care if anything makes sense. In the moment, it's mesmerizing. In hindsight, it's obnoxious. But hey, I've never seen anything quite like it. I just wish I knew what was going on.
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