Snitch (2013)

I am of the slightly odd opinion that Dwayne Johnson is a legitimately good actor. I know, I know. I don't care that the dude's a wrestler. When you've got it, you've got it. And Johnson is one of the most charismatic screen presences I've seen in the past ten years, ever since he first surprised us all in "The Rundown" back in 2003 by actually being pretty great in it. And as long as I'm spouting weird opinions, I've gone on record saying that I enjoyed "Doom," which Johnson was the highlight of. And now that he's done "Pain & Gain" and managed to steal the show while sharing a screen with Mark Wahlberg, can we finally admit that this guy has a legitimately huge amount of talent?

Seriously. This guy looks like a bad-ass while dressed like Matthew Broderick.

"Snitch" is one of those movies that Johnson does every once in a while to remind everyone that he can act and be a serious action movie star in-between all the kid stuff he does. While watching this I was reminded a bit of one he did called "Faster," which was by itself just alright, but managed to be one of those movies that was surprisingly better than you were probably expecting it to be. And like "Faster," "Snitch" turned out nearly the same with the difference being that not only was "Snitch" better than I expected, but I'd go so far as to call it really good.

Dwayne Johnson is John, a guy whose 18 year old son (Rafi Gavron) gets blasted with the incredibly harsh "minimum sentencing" policies of the American Justice System regarding drugs when he stupidly agrees to hold a box of ecstasy for a day for a friend. He immediately gets arrested since it was a set up, and even though it was his first offense and all he did was hold it briefly, the system mandates that he get slapped with 10 years in prison at the very least, possibly going to 30, unless he can rat out some drug dealers to get his sentence reduced (which is how he got set up in the first place).

Unfortunately he doesn't know any drug dealers, and he refuses to set up his friends, so in jail he rots. Not willing to see that happen, John works with a federal prosecutor (Susan Sarandon) to catch drug dealers in exchange for his son's freedom. We follow him around as he works angles and makes connections to become a drug trafficker as he gets reluctant (and possibly backstabbing) help from Daniel (Jon Bernthal), an ex-con who would rather not be doing this.

Also, Daniel is Commander Sheppard from "Mass Effect." True story.

All of this plays out like "Breaking Bad" or "The Sopranos," and it's really an intense little setup they've got going on as John gets deeper and deeper into this criminal world which is always two seconds and one slip-up away from tearing him and everyone he loves apart. While he's doing it, he's dealing with Susan Sarandon's character, who is nearly as despicable as the cartel members he goes up against, as she milks him more and more dry to get the most she can out of him, regardless of his safety and to the point where he is very likely going to die. By the end we're not really sure how in the world it's all going to play out. It's a bit of a nail-biter.

The cast is also worth calling out because everyone here just knocks it out of the park. Johnson is admittedly fantastic, but Bernthal threatens to steal the show with his intense "Clifton Collins Jr. meets Ben Foster" ex-con. The only problem was his accent which seemed to not solidify until the second act of the film. It wasn't too distracting, but it was kind of weird when I found out Daniel was Hispanic, because I honestly had no idea until he started in with the whole "Ay essay, yo loco, meng" thing seemingly out of nowhere.

Barry Peppers amazing beard also deserves mentioning as the most glorious facial hair since ever.

There is some Hollywood style violence that starts to flair up by the end, before turning into a straight up action flick, but while it seemed slightly dubious it wasn't outside the realm of possibility. It was less of an "Oh, come on" series of events are more of a "Well, that escalated quickly" scenario, if that makes sense. For sure it may seem weird that John is driving a big-rig and firing off a shotgun one-handed in a high speed pursuit with a drug cartel with cars flying off the road and exploding when he's been portrayed as a huge but average guy the whole film, but he is a truck driver by occupation and any idiot can figure out a shotgun. So I can't be that irritated. Made sense to me.

I have a feeling most people would call this one "forgettable," and while you may have to rack your brain to remember specifics about it after a few days, at the very least this is leagues ahead of the kind of movie you usually get with this scenario and budget. Usually this kind of stuff stars Paul Walker or something. Maybe Casper Van Dien. And screw that.

Check out the trailer for "Snitch!"

THE BOTTOM LINE - "Snitch" was surprisingly good for the kind of fare this usually is. It's what you would get if you took the average direct-to-DVD flick about a dad out for revenge and gave it to someone who knew how to make a movie. This one was solid, and features a lot of really good acting, including one of Johnson's best performances to date.

Demolition Man (1993)

Today's entry is a bit of a special one, for reasons that most likely only I care about. But I do care, so you'll have to indulge me, because this is my 100th entry for this blog! Huzzah! It's been quite the experiment thus far, and I'm looking forward to many hundreds more.

In thinking of what movie to do for this hundredth entry, I was a bit torn. Do I find an epically bad movie to rant about, or a good one? Finally, after days of debate, I decided to go the less painful route and throw in one of my favorite movies: "Demolition Man."

I love this movie to pieces. I love every hair on its adorable, machismo laden, goofy as hell head. It stars one of my favorite action stars, Sylvester Stallone in a performance that is both badass and hilariously silly. It's got funny one-liners, it's got likable characters who aren't annoying, it's got an awesomely over-the-top villain, it has thrilling action sequences and gratuitous abuse of running away from explosions in slow-motion while screaming "Uaaarrrrrgh!". It really encapsulates everything that was great about the 90's action movie into one big, cream-filled pastry of delight.

He's lucky. Most guys can't pull off a beret.

Of course the 80's were also rife with that stuff as well in their action movies, but for some reason the 90's just had a different feel to them. I think perhaps it's that more money was thrown into them in the 90's, which had a tendency to make them look more polished. Also since it wasn't the 80's anymore, the hair was a bit less unfortunate. I'm not sure if that has anything to do with the budget.

For those poor souls unfamiliar with "Demolition Man," the set up begins in the "near future" of 1996. Simon Phoenix, the insane terrorist played with gloriously manic WTFness by Wesley Snipes, is holding civilians hostage in his fortress. Then, from a helicopter, like a bungee-jumping God from the sky comes Stallone, playing John Spartan, a cop so macho that making buildings explode behind him in slow-motion is on his resume.

Seriously. It's listed right underneath screaming "PHOENIIIIIX!!!!"

They have a riveting battle which ends with Spartan apprehending Phoenix, but not before the building (of course) explodes, taking out all the hostages that Spartan thought had been moved. Phoenix is locked up for pretty much forever, but Spartan is also sentenced to a long prison term due to the 30-some counts of unintentional manslaughter. They are both put into a cyro-prison, and frozen.

In the 30 or so years they spend frozen, a truly bizarre, euphoric society devoid of all violence, bad things or even mild impoliteness rises. So when Phoenix gets dethawed for his parole hearing (which for some reason he gets before Spartan), and escapes to go on a killing spree, the police don't have the slightest clue on how to handle this maniac. After all, guns are only in museums, and the last MDK ("murder death kill") on record was more than 15 years ago. The only solution they can think of is to send the man who caught Phoenix the first time, so Spartan is released to bring this guy down, all while having to deal with the annoyingly charming society that he's found himself a part of.

One of the things I love most about "Demolition Man" is how funny it is. There is a lot of humor to be found in the bizarre formality and goody-two-shoes nature of this society, but there's also a lot of social satire going on as well which is quite funny. The only music is 30-second jingles from commercials, and it's very strange to see people singing along to the Oscar Mayer Hot Dog Song with the same joy as Wayne and Garth headbanging to Bohemian Rhapsody. Sex is only legal via virtual headset, and even kissing is taboo. Every restaurant is Taco Bell, as there was apparently a "Franchise War" in the future, of which TB was the only one left standing. It's all very Paul Verhoeven.

And the freaking Swear Machine. Best running gag ever. For seriously.

We are given a tour of this absurdly friendly and proper brave new world by Sandra Bullock, playing Huxley, a cop who is obsessed with the violent 90's, but is so far removed from it that she's really more of a fan-girl than a true expert. This is evident in her constant butchering of common sayings, such as "He really matched his meat. You really licked his ass!"

Yeah, it's juvenile, but those parts crack me up something awful. Stallone having to constantly correct her, growing ever more impatient as he does so is just hysterical to me. Sandra Bullock is also just plain adorable in her innocence coupled with possibly not-quite-earned bravado.

 And dang it, could she be more cute?

Also appearing is Denis Leary, who's most likely just there because they needed a guy who could rant, and a young Rob Schneider who not only manages to avoid being soul-punchingly annoying, but ends up delivering one of the best lines in the film: "We're police officers, we're not equipped to deal with this kind of violence!" Jessie Ventura is there also as one of Phoenix's thugs who doesn't have a single line, which while cool kind of sucks since it wastes him. Also if you don't blink you can also catch Jack Black as one of Denis Leary's crew.

But cameos aside, the guy who really steals the show is Wesley Snipes. This is one of the most gloriously over-the-top villainous performances I've ever seen. He's so wacky that he almost seems like a cartoon character in the best possible way, and at no point does it seem like he's taking anything seriously. He just wants to kill people. Phoenix actually has something of a Joker vibe about him, and it makes him a blast to watch.

"Wait a minute, this is the future. Where are all the phaser guns?"

But the thing that always makes or breaks a movie is the action. "Demolition Man" could have honestly used a few more action scenes, if you ask me, but the ones that are there are fun, full of bullets, explosions and mayhem, and hit pretty hard as you've got two great action stars in top form. And yes, it's easy to forget that fact, since today Stallone is shaped like a block of a dozen lumpy 2x4s nailed together and Snipes is currently trying to figure out how to pull an Andy Dufresne through a sewer pipe, back in the day these guys were A-list stars.

Ok, if you ask me they're still A-list, but my taste in film is reputed to be somewhat suspect. I'll never live down dropping an obscene amount of money on that VHS of "Yor: The Hunter from The Future" am I?

But who cares about that anyway, am I right? These movies aren't meant for anything more or less than being a fun time, and "Demolition Man" delivers like few other films can. It's one of my favorite 90's action movies, and if it isn't one of yours, you're incapable of appreciating the finer things in the "awesome" department. And then I just feel bad for you.

I mean seriously. What's your boggle?

"My boggle?"

THE BOTTOM LINE - Few things are as bad-ass as "Demolition Man." It's one of the defining action movies of the 90's, one of my favorites, and if you've never seen it, you need to do so immediately. If nothing else, you'll never look at Taco Bell the same way again. Very Highly Recommended.