The Terminator (1984)

What am I supposed to say about "The Terminator" that hasn't been said a thousand times before? Not only is it one of the defining action movies of the 80's, but it also made legitimate stars of Arnold Schwarzenegger and James Cameron. And it's one of my favorite movies. Ever. In fact, I'm in the rare position of being a bigger fan of "The Terminator" than I am of "Terminator 2: Judgement Day." That's not something you hear often.

I think that for me, the reason I like "The Terminator" more than any of the sequels is because it's the only one that makes sense by itself. In fact it works best when viewed as a stand-alone film, due to the sequels having annoying time paradoxes that rear their ugly heads because of the mere fact that sequels exist.

This franchise got so convoluted and out of control with the mind-bending plot holes that it's really best to not even think about it, lest your head implode. But with the first film, it's a nice little package that ties itself up nice and pretty. And you don't have to ask questions like "How did Skynet create itself by sending technology back in time from the future if it couldn't exist in the future it sent technology back from because it didn't exist in past?"

Shut up and eat your popcorn.

What strikes me about the look and feel of "The Terminator" is that it is one of the most bleak action films I think I've ever seen. There's this barely subdued nightmarish quality about it, almost like you're floating in a bad dream. The color palette is all greys and blacks, almost the entire movie takes place at night, and the soundtrack during the action scenes is all electronic madness going nuts like a 'nipped-up cat rolling around on a Casio keyboard while their owner is in the garage pummeling an anvil with a sledgehammer. Even the main theme, incidentally one of the greatest ever, promises only darkness and oppression.

And being that the movie has only two settings, which are "Waiting" and "OH SWEET JESUS RUN FOR YOUR LIVES" that nightmarish quality is only enhanced by the unrelenting tension, which never really lets up. I am reminded a bit of "Jaws," being that even when you don't see the shark, you know it's out there somewhere. For that reason, anytime someone gets in the water, they're fair game even if you don't see anything. And like the shark popping up to scare the bajesus out of Roy Scheider,  the Terminator could easily bust through a wall at any moment. Most likely to shoot someone in the face.

Although James Cameron was right when he said that Arnold playing the Terminator shouldn't have worked, since the whole concept of the Terminator was to blend in and look very unassuming, there's two very good reasons why it did. The first is that Arnold Schwarzenegger is a scary looking man. There's no way around it. If you have Arnold as a villain, he's going to be scary. Well, unless Joel Schumacher is involved, but that's a whole other conversation.

"Oh man. I willingly choose to forget what I did last night..."

The second reason is that Schwarzenegger turns in what is honestly a brilliant performance here. He had been only Hercules and Conan before becoming the Terminator, but after this film he became someone to really take notice of. And although it's easy to make fun of the guy and crack wise about how playing an emotionless robot is the best role for him, Arnold plays the Terminator spectacularly well, and it's honestly one of the best, most subtle villainous performances in film. The only other guy I can think of that's ever come close to being as chilling in his silence would have to be Dolph Lundgren in "Rocky IV." And Ivan Drago actually had fewer lines than the Terminator did in this movie.

There is an art to playing someone with no emotions. It's not enough to not move any facial muscles and deadpan everything. There still has to be something behind it. When you look at both Schwarzenegger's face in "The Terminator" and Lungren's face in "Rocky IV," there's this cold, calculating intensity behind the eyes that you just can't fake. When Arnold first appears and slowly takes in his surroundings the processors in the Terminator's head can almost be heard whirling. And when Ivan stares down Rocky or Apollo, it's very similar. You don't know what this guy is thinking, but you know it's no good, and you know he's very, very dangerous. Especially to street punks who like to pick on naked people.

A wild Bill Paxton appears!

While Arnold is the actor everybody thinks of when talking about these films, I must admit that one of the main reasons I love the first film so much is because of Michael Biehn. I've never understood why Michael isn't a household name when he's appeared in some huge movies throughout the years. And it's not like he had small roles, either. He was Cpl. Hicks in "Aliens," he was the bad guy in "The Abyss," he was the most memorable villain out of many in "Tombstone," and he was in the only good Michael Bay movie, "The Rock." And here he's Kyle Reese, the guy who is John Connor's father. He's kind of a big deal.

And he's also a really good actor, too. He is one of my all time favorites, having the badassery of Kurt Russell and the intensity of Nicolas Cage but without the goofiness. His portrayal of Kyle Reese is really heartfelt and full of pain, and he knows that the best case scenario is that he's almost certainly going to die. But his love for Sarah Connor, a women he's never met and has traveled through time for, keeps him going enough to make sure she's safe no matter the cost. Dramatically it's probably up there among the best roles he's portrayed.

Too bad he dresses like a flasher, though. Ah well. The 80's.

Linda Hamilton deserves a lot of credit as Sarah Connor, as she's probably one of the best female protagonists of action movie history. Her character arc is very compelling and at the same is quite subtle, since the movie doesn't bash us over the head with the fact that she's going to become this hardass survivalist later in life. A lesser movie would have her pick up something heavy and pointy and beat the Terminator to death with it in a scene that has her "realize her destiny" and crap.
 
But since that would be stupid and would make no sense, she survives by using her wits, courage and a bit of good luck. She's not a solider yet, after all. But she will be, to which the movie drops hints by her being a natural at applying a field bandage and having a really good "ON YOUR FEET, SOLIDER!" voice when she needs it. Again, subtle.

Why James Cameron went insane and lost all sense of subtly by the time "Avatar" came around I have no idea. I blame constant success and deep sea diving.

"Now I'm off to actually invent time travel! That way I can go to the future when technology has finally caught up to my vision!!! Then I can wait another decade for it to catch up to me again! I AM THE FUTURE."

It's a lot of fun to watch "The Terminator" and spot all the actors in it that you know you've seen in something else but you just can't place it. Naturally seeing Bill Paxton with pointy blue hair is a sight to behold and elicits a mighty squee from me every time, but Lance Henriksen is also always a lot of fun to watch. Although I'm not quite sure if his character's schtick, that being that he always has a lame story to tell that gets cut off before it goes anywhere ever really materialized the way it was probably intended. I don't think enough time was spent with the cops to really have that pay off. But in any case, the repartee between Henriksen and the late great Paul Winfield is awesome.

Especially when you imagine that it's Bishop talking to Lucius Sweet

There's also that guy with the really big mouth. You know, from "The X-Files" and "Mortal Kombat: Annihilation." Yeah, that guy. His name is Brian Thompson, and he's the punk who gets his heart ripped out of his chest by Schwarzenegger. So that's cool. Oh and by the way, Rick Rossovich is Ginger's boyfriend in this. You all know Rick Rossovich, right? Nothing? Oh, come on! He was Slider in "Top Gun!" He stinks!

Ugh. Why do I even try?

Without question "The Terminator" is up there with the best movies Schwarzenegger has ever been involved in, and it's one of my favorite action flicks. And I know I've said before that I prefer it over "T2," but I have to be honest when I say it's probably my second favorite James Cameron movie, second only to "Aliens." What can I say? I liked Cameron before he went nuts.

Check out the AWESOMELY cheesy trailer. I love how the dude says the name of the movie like 12 times.

THE BOTTOM LINE - If you've never seen "The Terminator" I really don't know what you're doing, because there are few action movies that are as intelligent and intense as this one. Seriously, drop what you're doing and find a way to watch it. It's readily available. Go. NOW! And if you've already seen it, well hell. Watch it again. We'll make a night of it. I've got the brewskis. Let's do this. Come with me if you want to live!

Hatfields and McCoys (2012)

I normally don't do TV shows for this blog. I mean, what am I supposed to do? Write an entry about the show as a whole or every episode? Because for the first option, I'd have to watch the entire series to write about it, and that would just take a really long time. Perhaps I could change that by simply making sure I only watched shows that were on FOX, because as well we all know, the average FOX show lasts for roughly 14 minutes before being cancelled. Hell, you could probably watch the entirety of "Firefly" in less time than it would take to have an extended-cut marathon of "Lord of The Rings." Or at least, it would be close.

And do you really want me cluttering up this blog with entries all of 4 paragraphs long about the monster of the week Mulder and Scully took down or if Nemoy's ear prosthetic was convincing or not? I mean, what am I supposed to say about a single episode of "Mythbusters?"

"Well, Adam and Jamie blew something up, it was awesome, and I am still firmly set in my commitment to happily cut off my left leg for a chance to be with Kari Byron. The end."

"KARI! I DO THIS FOR YOOOOOOOOOU!!!"

In this case, "Hatfields & McCoys" was a mini-series on the History Channel, when in a surprising development they found a block of time to show us something that wasn't Hitler. Normally I would have been only slightly curious about it, mostly because after seeing "Deadwood," I'm not sure that I'd want to see that kind of setting done outside of HBO. I'm not sure I'd want to commit to its 3-part, roughly 5 hour run time unless there was something really special about it.

But I saw the commercial for it during another soul-sucking, methamphetamine-level addictive run of "Pawn Stars," which of course they can never show a single episode of. No, when you're watching "Pawn Stars," they will be playing that mess for 15 hours straight, and there will be neither rest nor reprieve for you until it has run its course to its conclusion. But that's another discussion which can be summed up with the warning "For the love of god, never watch "Pawn Stars.""

While waiting to find out whether or not the dude's collection of Donald Duck comics are worth anything (seriously, why do I even watch that show?), the commercial for "Hatfields & McCoys" came on, and I must admit that it did look promising. The production values looked good, it appeared to be surprisingly violent for regular TV, and to be honest, I really don't know anything about the Hatfields or the McCoys, so learning about them seemed like something that would be cool. And the fact that it had Kevin Costner was a plus.

I like Kevin Costner, but only to an extent. Honestly, I really don't think he's that great of an actor much of the time, but I don't think it's always his fault. I am of the opinion that it's the roles he's in. He's not good at playing action heroes, but he's good when he's playing an average Joe. "Field of Dreams" and the excellent straight-to-DVD affair "The New Daughter" are good examples of that. Just compare those to "Waterworld" or "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves."

So Costner playing "Devil" Anse Hatfield I could see happening. At least he's rocking an awesome beard. But "Hatfields & McCoys" needed something else for me to really be interested in it. Something that would put it over the edge. Something that screamed "Dude, there's no way you can miss this." It needed some top-echelon, hopeless man-crush, I-want-to-buy-this-man-a-beer talent.

You rang?

Oh thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you "Hatfields & McCoys." You've been reading my "Suggestions on Making Everything Awesome" list, haven't you?*

Bill Paxton is one of my all-time favorites, as you can plainly tell. And while I do enjoy how absolutely over-the-top he can get at times, I find Bill to be an inexcusably underrated actor. It seems that as the years have gone by he has become a bit more acknowledged as a legitimate actor, probably thanks to "Big Love," but I've been a fan of his for years. Honestly, when you look back on his earlier roles, oftentimes he's one of the most memorable aspects of the movie, even if it was a small part.

*By the way, "Put Bill Paxton in it" is number #4 on it.

Think back on "True Lies." Aside from Arnold in a jet, Jamie Lee Curtis' body double stripping and the fact that it was the last good movie James Cameron made, the next thing most people would probably remember is Bill Paxton's scumbag car salesman who has what is the single greatest scene of cowardly self-emasculation ever filmed. Remember "Predator 2?" The answer is probably "Barely," but you probably remember Bill Paxton getting killed in the subway, since that was the point where the movie becomes not worth watching anymore. And what is always the very first line quoted from "Aliens" when it's being talked about? That's right, it's "Game over, man! Game over!"

And yes, Bill was kind of goofy in all those roles, and he plays the comic foil shockingly well, but if you watch something where he's serious you'll see that the dude's got some heavy duty acting chops. I'm not joking. Remember him in "Apollo 13" and "Tombstone?" Just watch "A Simple Plan." Watch "Frailty." He's AMAZING in that. The man knows what he's doing, and when he's playing a serious role, he has this aura of sincerity just pouring off him, and that makes me completely buy every single line coming out of his mouth. He is one of the most believable actors around, because he really doesn't look like he's acting at all.

And when watching "Hatfields & McCoys," for me at least, that made the whole thing worth it. To be honest everyone does a fantastic job of acting throughout the whole thing, particular Costner, Tom Berenger, and Powers Booth who all consistently just light up the screen like napalm, but Bill Paxton is the real standout here. He is just killing this role, and of the two leads, between him and Costner, Bill's got the juicer part as Randall McCoy if you ask me.

Anse Hatfield is more of a calculating badass, and he suffers a lot of loss, but McCoy is the guy who really has everything taken from him. This part must have been actor's dream for Bill as he gets whittled down smaller and smaller as more and more of his family dies, until by the end he's practically a dried out husk. There are scenes in the third part with Bill that are absolutely heartbreaking, one scene in particular where he is sitting outside the burned remains of his house, seeing drunken visions of Costner mocking him, but most of the third part consists of Bill giving a master's course on acting.

I don't think the story needs much explanation, because it's part of American culture that the Hatfields and McCoys hated each other and were very good at making each other dead. Of course, finding out all the details of the (we're assuming true) story does make for compelling television. What is surprising to me was the scale of the conflict into which the whole thing escalated, because it gets pretty nuts. I had no idea that there were actually mini-battles that occurred with full out charges on horseback and whatnot. I guess I just didn't realize how many people were involved in the fighting. Of course this was back in the day when it was common for one family to have so many siblings and cousins that you could fill the cast of "Les Misérables."

"I dreamed a dream of shooting you in the brain."

It is fascinating to see the origin of this famous feud, which really stems from Kevin Costner quitting the confederate army and Tom Berenger shooting a guy because the guy had been a union solider. Because of that, these two families are forever going to be going around in this inescapable cycle of revenge that wipes out a good chunk of both families, although the McCoys really do get hit the hardest.

As well acted and written as the show is, "Hatfields & McCoys" does suffer slightly from "Band of Brothers" syndrome, meaning that there is an slightly absurd amount of characters to keep straight. But whereas "Band of Brothers" had 10 hours to tell its story, "Hatfields & McCoys" has less than half that, and covers a much longer period of time. For that reason the characters aren't dwelt on for too long, with the exception of the ones that actually live through to at least the final part. I didn't even know 80% of their names, and it's not like you can just look at a guy and say "Oh, that dude's a Hatfield."

That brings up what is the biggest flaw in the series, which is that as early as the beginning of the second part it really just degrades into a whirlwind of violence, and it has a tendency to become pretty redundant. Nearly any time a gathering of people occurs, someone gets drunk, sees a member of the rival family, gets in a fight with them, and then they or the other person gets stabbed to death and/or shot. After this, the other family gathers up a posse and haunts them down, swearing revenge. Then when that's done, the first family calls it injustice and swears revenge on the posse. Then Powers Booth kind of calms everyone down, bringing them back to Defcon 2 from Defcon 1. Then there's another gathering of people. And it goes on and on like this.

How is it possible that he's actually more intimidating here than he was as Sgt. Barnes?

Sometimes it wasn't even that complicated. Sometimes a McCoy just sees a Hatfield and shoots him in the face since, hey, it's the weekend. By the end I got to the point of not really concerning myself too much with who the characters are, because odds were pretty good that they were going to be dead soon anyways. Really the most important thing to discern is which team they're playing for.

You know, the inevitable thing you think about while watching a show like this is how close it is to real life. The characters here act like such animals, oftentimes being slightly less civil than your average raging, blood-lusting barbarian, and it's easy to really not like any of them at all, because they're all horrible people. One would like to think that it's highly overblown and dramatized, but unfortunately it's probably pretty close to the truth. And watching "Hatfields & McCoys" is an interesting look into pure, blind hatred for no reason other than it being the status quo. And for that reason, it's kind of scary.

And quite sad.

THE BOTTOM LINE - If you've got roughly 5 hours to kill, "Hatfields & McCoys" is a solid period piece with top notch acting by a powerful ensemble cast. As redundant as the plot can get by the end, this look into American history is well worth the time. And hey, 5 hours with Bill Paxton sounds like a good time to me. Recommended.

Haywire (2012)

Whenever you look at the poster of a movie and see something to the effect of "Starring Professional Athlete _____," it is seldom reason to have high expectations. A person crossing over from sports to acting is a risky venture that at best can seem gimmicky, and at worst can wind up being painful to watch. It's just hard to get excited about an athlete being in a movie.

Now, to be fair, this doesn't always end poorly. Vinnie Jones played European football. Schwarzenegger was a bodybuilder. UFC fighter "Rampage" Jackson made an awesome Mr. T. You've also got professional wrestlers like The Rock, Steve Austin and even Jessie Ventura who went on to be pretty decent actors. Plus, who could forget Andre The Giant in "The Princess Bride?" And of course there's NFL great Jim Brown of "The Dirty Dozen" fame. This isn't always a guaranteed tragedy...

Especially when you consider the incredible stew that former Oakland Raiders can get going.

...but then you've also got Michael Jorden, Hulk Hogan, John Cena, Dennis Rodman and Shaq. I don't care how many awesome action stars the sports world produces, there is no forgetting or forgiving the double whammy of "Steel" and "Kazaam." Say what you will about the rest of the bad actors the sports world has produced, at least Rowdy Roddy Piper could deliver awesomely bad one-liners. But with Shaq, you've got a guy whose film career killed the comic book movie genre for a decade. That puts a damper on the whole shebang. It's like saying The Galactic Empire was pretty decent apart from that whole Alderaan thing.

And do we even need to bring up "Shaq-Fu?"

What was I talking about again? Oh yeah. "Haywire."

Gina Carano is the athlete throwing her hand in the acting ring in this endeavor. The MMA fighter had only been in one film before, the Michael Jai White feature "Blood and Bone," although she was in "Command & Conquer: Red Alert 3" (true story). So for "Haywire," her first headlining role, they did what was either a brilliant or very stupid thing and surrounded her with a cast of some of the most amazing actors around. This my friends...is ballsy.

Think about it. You've got an untested athlete as your main role. Do you really want to put them on the screen next to Ewan McGregor, Michael Fassbender, Michael Douglas, Bill Paxton and Antonio freaking Banderas? Good gravy. If anyone is going to make a newbie look bad, it's these guys. At this point why don't they just throw in Liam Neeson, Morgen Freeman and James Earl Jones to make the bar even higher? Even co-star Channing Tatum, like him or hate him (I think he's pretty decent, actually) has a higher pedigree than Gina Carano. This is a pretty risky venture.

Imagine my surprise, then, when Gina actually managed to step up to the plate and hold her own next to the big dogs. I'm not saying that she's on the same acting level as Michael Fassbender, because it's not even close (although few are on his level), but it amazed me that she was as convincing as she was. She must have been getting some really good advice from her veteran co-stars, because the last thing she came across as was novice. She was confident and had a strong screen presence, which meant that "Haywire" was free to be what I was hoping it would be: a lot of fun.

"Best. Death. Ever."

"Haywire" is a spy movie in the same way that the "Bourne" series is. It's played on a more realistic level, so there's no super-gadgets, and the plot is always, without fail going to involve the hero getting double-crossed by their superiors. It's just the rule. If James Bond were played more "realistically" then they would need a new M each time because Bond would always have to end up killing them at the end of every movie because M would always sell Bond out. Because that wouldn't get old fast. It's actually more shocking if the spy actually has colleges that don't try to kill them.

Spy movie gripes aside, I found "Haywire" to be a very well made and entertaining film. Like I implied earlier, the plot is nothing you haven't seen before, since spy movies have such a rigid formula to their "twists and turns" that they are always laughably predictable, but it handles the story very well. Of course, the big reason most people would want to see it is to see an MMA fighter beating the snot out of A-list Hollywood actors. And that's another thing "Haywire" manages to do quite well.

The action scenes are really quite shocking with how convincing they are. They aren't as brutal as the "Bourne" series, despite those films having a PG-13 and this one having an R rating, but the hits all have a great impact to them. Every punch to the face or foot to the kneecap feels like it hurts. It looks so legit that I found myself wondering more than once if Gina Carano, who obviously did her own stunts, wasn't actually getting punched in the face. It would make sense considering her background, but still. Dang, that looked real.

 

 Ow.

Adding to the realism of the fight scenes was the fact that there really wasn't much, if any music going on during them. Any time Gina was fighting hand to hand, the only soundtrack was the hits and crashes of the actors destroying whatever room they happened to be in at the time. At first it wasn't noticeable, but eventually you do notice its absence, kind of like a void just sitting in the room with you. It doesn't detract or distract in any way, but it does add a uniqueness to the fight scenes which help them stand out from the slew of other movies that are very similar to it.

If I was going to complain about anything it would be two things. The first is that I was never fully on board with the way the exposition was handled. Basically, the first two acts of the film are a flashback of the last few days that Gina is relating to a dude whom she basically just kidnapped, I guess for the purposes of "If I don't make it back you have to tell someone what happened." Every once in a while we cut back to them in the car as the dude asks her "So then what happened?" As a plot device it works okay, but I never really saw the point of the dude she kidnaps. The movie really could have just been told chronologically.

The second thing that bugged me: the deer. That's all I'll say, but trust me when I say that your reaction will be "Well, that was random."

This thing is about to screw with you. Seriously.

THE BOTTOM LINE - I actually really liked "Haywire." I was drawn in by the cast, which contains some of my favorite actors ever, but I was pleasantly surprised with how well it all came together, something more than I was expecting considering the fact that the headlining star is an MMA fighter new to acting. It's a lot of fun. Recommended for a good solid action flick.