Obviously the term "guilty pleasure" has a strong probability of showing up multiple times during this entry, which in all honesty is strange for me considering that I really disliked the remake of "Piranha" from 2010. In fact, the word "dislike" isn't quite there. Let me reach a bit further. I "loathed" that film. Yeah, that's better.
The thing about "Piranha" 2010 was that there was not a single likable character in the entire movie. I'm serious, with the exception of Elizabeth Shue and Ving Rhames, there wasn't a single person in that film I didn't want to see die horribly, and I was actively hoping that at some point the government would just drop an A-bomb on the whole situation and get rid of every single soul-reapingly unfunny douchbag that made up the people on the screen in one fell swoop.
Watching "Piranha" 2010 is like being stuck in a car with a dozen of the loudest, drunkest, most homophobic, popped-coller, horndog fratboys you could imagine for an hour and a half while a "Girls Gone Wild: Spring Break" video plays on the TV with your eyes being propped open like "A Clockwork Orange." And then during the last half hour of the trip somebody starts smearing raspberry jam in your eyeballs until the ride is over.
Oh god. It IS like that.
However, a weird thing happens with "Piranha DD." While in some ways it is inconceivably more juvenile than its predecessor, a concept I'm still trying to wrap my head around, it is at the same time a far more enjoyable and satisfying experience. Most of this is because there is far less douchbaggery afoot. And while I can't say that I "liked" the characters, I didn't hate them. That is to say I didn't want to swear a blood oath against them. That's a big step up, I'll tell you.
Essentially the plot is unchanged from before. A bunch of piranha emerge in the middle of a populated community (in this case a water park), killing off a random cameo in the opening scene (in this case Gary Busey) before staying pretty much out of the limelight until the third act of the film, where everything gets crazy and lots of people die. Along the way there's a lot of nudity, and Christopher Lloyd shows up as a crazy marine biologist who drops a lot of exposition. That's really all the setup you need. That and dudes with abs.
One thing this film had the other didn't, however, was David Hasselhoff. And man, is he a delight. He shows up playing himself as a celebrity lifeguard at the opening of the ill-fated water park. In a much appreciated but possibly bit-too-realistic acting job, he's playing it like it's the bottom of the barrel, way beneath him, how-did-it-come-to-this place for washed up actors to die. And yeah, he's playing a caricature of himself, but you can tell he's just having so much fun with it that it's really infectious. And The Hoff ends up unsurprisingly running away with every scene he's in.
Some of the funniest parts of the film, and it's honestly a decently funny movie, involved The Hoff looking at the situation in a very fourth-wall breaking but shockingly insightful manner. Probably my favorite line of the film was a moment when, during a scene with the piranha eating dozens of people in the pool, a women runs up to Hasselhoff sitting in his life guard chair and pleads for him to help them. He replies that he's not a real lifeguard. Then when she pleads again, he points out with a snark:
"Once these idiots get out of the water, it's not as if the fish are following them home."
That is brilliant.
In addition to Hasselhoff, there are several scenes with him and a little redhead kid, and they play off of each other magnificently. There is a scene in particular where The Hoff can't believe this 11 year old kid has never heard of him, and tries his best to maintain his dignity. The back and forth between them got some of the biggest laughs in the movie out of me, including their first meeting, where the boy is trying to get a band-aid, but the most Hasselhoff is willing to do is give him an autograph. It's hysterical.
Among the other names of note, Christopher Lloyd as always was entertaining, as was Ving Rhames, who I had no idea was in this film considering that I thought he died in the first movie. I'm not complaining about it, of course, because he was awesome, but it was confusing when he showed up in a wheelchair. "Piranha DD" also makes history with the only time the phrase "Bring me my legs" has ever been badass. Of course, if there was one guy who could do it, it's Ving Rhames. It also helps the badassery when Ving Rhames has shotguns attached to his prosthetic legs.
It's like "Planet Terror" but with water slides.
Obviously this film is over-the-top and intended to be taken lightly. But one thing that was odd was how serious the movie takes itself at times. There are moments of slow motion acts of heroism with dramatic music swelling as if it were a scene out of "Platoon." All that's left is for Elijah Wood to scream "Nooooooo!!!" I mean, it gets pretty dense there in a few moments, as if we were watching something by Edward Zwick or Ridley Scott.
I remind you, this film is called "Piranha DD."
So yeah, that is I'm sure meant to go along with the humor involved, which it has in spades. I think any movie that features the line "Josh cut off his penis because something came out of my vagina" is undoubtedly going for laughs. (By the way, yes that happens, yes it's messed up, and yes, this is kind of a violent film if you couldn't tell.)
Personally I'd try to kill the fish instead of chopping off my Johnson. But that's just me.
The biggest problem with the movie is that there is nearly no payoff. Now, for all the bad things I said about "Piranha" 2010, the carnage and mayhem at the end of that movie is admittedly impressively intense. It's also bloody as hell. "Piranha DD" has maybe a quarter of the body count as the first one, and it's nowhere near as impressive. There's no faces being torn off by boat engines in this movie, although some may call that an improvement.
I'm not saying that "Piranha DD" isn't gory or ultra violent, because it is. In fact it's comically violent. However, if you were a fan of the first film, or at least were a fan of the gore in the first film, "Piranha DD" is going to be a letdown in that department. So if that's the only reason you're seeing this movie, you may be disappointed.
On the other hand, at the end of the movie David Hasselhoff sings a song called "Fishhunter." One can't really complain about that.
One please.
THE BOTTOM LINE - "Piranha DD" really comes across like if the Asylum had a budget more than a couple hundred thousand. They both have the same sense of humor, and you can tell that everyone involved is having an absolute blast. I greatly prefer this over the original, and despite my skepticism, I really enjoyed myself. And hey, if all you want is 80 minutes of boobs and gore, you could do far worse, because that's all there is to it. But it does it well. Recommended.
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