And it doesn't take much. Just make sure the good guy is a badass and the villain is scary. And if possible, it helps if the comic relief sidekick and love interest story is kept to a minimum, if not cut out all together. And for the love of all that is holy, whatever you do, don't have a sassy kid in the film. That is a death sentence. But as long as the rest of it is at least passable, it's going to be a fun time.
That brings me to "Universal Soldier," a film from 1992 that sadly passed me by back in the day. Although I really like Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren, I somehow never got to watching this action staple from the early 90's. And looking back, it's a shame because I missed out on some great cheesiness starring two very underrated action titans.
You know, normally I'd be ticked over being shot by a guy named "Dolph," but for some reason, I'm okay with this.
The idea of "Universal Soldier" is that back in the Vietnam war, two American soliders, Van Damme and Lundgren, ended up killing each other after Lundgren snapped and went all "Platoon" on a village of civilians. This introductory scene, while looking absurdly like a set, is actually quite effective and did a lot to really get me invested in the characters, because where they were mentally at that moment is where they are mentally throughout the rest of the film, so it's almost like this opening scene is taking place throughout the entire film.
After their bodies are recovered, there is a lot that isn't explained, but we are told just enough to know that they were selected to become part of an experimental program which took the corpses of dead soldiers and reanimates them in order to make what is essentially a brainless drone without morals who is capable only of following orders. How they possess the technology to do this is left a mystery, as is the wisdom of creating a soldier incapable of making decisions on their own, but that really doesn't take away from the entertainment value of the film.
There is also something to be said about the soldiers being Vietnam veterans, and the correlation between mindlessly following orders being the preferred mindset, particularly in that conflict which saw a lot of questionable things happen. I don't think it's a coincidence that they chose that war to be the origin of these characters. The whole film could really be seen as a big anti-Vietnam protest. Only made in 1992.
After Vietnam the film flash-forwards to "Present Day" (whenever that is), where Van Damme, playing Luc, or as he is otherwise known GR-44, gets his circuits crossed as his memories begin flooding back to him when during a mission, Lundgren, or Scott aka GR-13, begins taking people out in a similar manner that he did back when they killed each other. This finally comes to a boiling point during an incident with a reporter played by Ally Walker, when Luc absconds with the only slightly irritating female co-star (every movie back then had to have one of those), and is pursued across the country by Scott and the rest of the soldiers.
So at its core, "Universal Soldier" is a chase film, but it's a good one. This isn't like "Terminator 3" or anything. This time the chasing and tension and action is actually pretty entertaining. And a lot of the credit in regards to that has to be given to Van Damme, who is, as I keep telling everyone, a very good actor when given something to chew on. As Luc, he plays it very low key and is essentially a blank slate, since he has nearly no free will of his own. So it's a bit unnerving watching a guy go through all this excitement and barely change the expression on his face. One could make fun of a guy like Van Damme having no expressions on his face, but believe me when I say he does it well.
For Luc, this is a reaction. No seriously, this is the equivalent of steam shooting out his ears.
As the film goes on, however, both Van Damme and Lundgren become more and more expressive as their minds start coming back to them from the haze of simply doing what they're told, but like I mentioned earlier, they are mentally unchanged from their state at the time of their death, which is a cool little thing. Lundgren wants to kill everyone he considers a "traitor" and make a necklace with their ears (nice!), and all Van Damme wants is to go home. But despite this one-track mind they've got going on, it really does add to their characterization.
There is one final thing I'd like to bring up, as long as we're on the subject of "good actors." I'll come right out and say it: Dolph Lundgren is amazing. Had I seen this movie back in the day I would have been a fan of his far longer than I have been already. His character of Scott is freaking crazy scary, and is one of the best examples of scene chewing over-the-top 90's villainy that I've seen, right up there with Travolta's Vic Deakins and Cage's Castor Troy. They really don't make them like that anymore. The difference between them and Lundgren though, is that Dolph is physically FAR more intimidating, and the man looks like he could use you for dental floss.
Also, despite the fact that I've not seen him do an American accent since, Dolph could have fooled me. The man's accent is pretty solid, especially compared to Van Damme who didn't even try. Although that's probably for the best. After all, part of the Van Damme experience is hearing lines like "Aye jus wan ta gah hum." It's like syrup on my pancakes.
This all culminates in an hysterical exchange between Van Damme and Ally Walker where she says:
"I figured you had to be French or something because of your accent."
"Wott ak-CENT?"
That's funny.
Aside from that, there's really not much more to "Universal Soldier." It's a well made, exciting example of how they did action back in the early 90's and late 80's. You're going to get a lot of shooting, a lot of diving through windows (and walls), car explosions, poofy hair, moments of tremendous violence without being overly graphic about it, and a smattering of zaniness thrown in, plus a one-liner or two. There's nothing too complicated about it.
THE BOTTOM LINE - If you're in the mood for some nostalgic action from back in the day, you could do far worse than "Universal Soldier." While it may not be as instantly memorable as "Predator" or "Demolition Man" or "Die Hard," it certainly belongs among the best the era had to offer. They don't make 'em like this anymore. Recommended.
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